How Many Steps Does It Take?!

In all the buildings, houses, banks, churches, schools, clubs, bars, everywhere in Mexico there are Emergency signs. This is pretty common in the US too, but the signs are drastically different. When I saw the sign in my apartment, I noticed it had over 5 steps for different kinds of emergencies. Call me old fashioned, but I would rather stick to the 'Stop, Drop and Roll' step you learn in kindergarden and save myself some time. Or just the simple, 'Get the fuck out' step. I think that works the best. The first time I saw one of these signs I could not stop laughing, I mean I have a terrible memory, so there is no way I could remember all the steps. If there was an emergency I would die just while I was reading them and trying to figure out what to do! One of the best parts about the signs are the illustrations, I mean I can't even tell what is going on in them. So I made up a coulpe of my own steps, according to the illustrations.

Gringa Emergency Manual

By A Pinche Lost Gringa

Sismos - Earthquake

Stand and read the sign, stand very calm and very still. Don't move at all or the emergency may get worse. Just stand there and pretend like you know what to do.

 Beware of the snakes coming out of the walls. They only want the pizza in the oven. Walk past them quietly and be very sneaky.

Make your way through the magical door in the wall. Once through the door, shut it behind you and pose underneath the drawing of a window.

Get into the elevator, it is much faster than the stairs.

Make your way to the kitchen and hide underneath the table. Wait there to scare the next person walking by, in the meantime your friend will be hiding, trying to blend in with the wall. Do not let yourself be fooled.

Beware of the Mexican Indians attacking you from behind.

Incendios - Fire

Pretend you are a statue.

Start a fire to gain everyones attention.

Take the hand of the person closest to you and do the Cumbia together.

Blow dry your hair.

Don't let the police poke you with their handless arms.

Watch out for the Devil's evil tail that is about to whip you in the back of your head.

Again, use the elevator. It's not dangerous at all. You will be able to laugh at everyone when you are the first one down and they never come out.

Sing Opera as loud as you can.

Duck and cover, look out for the flock of deadly birds.

There are many different styles of these signs, here are a few. Try and make up your own emergency steps, it's pretty amusing.

This is the same sign I have in my apartment.

This one is my favorite, it's obviously a joke but it looks like someone else had a similair idea.

So, if you ever have an emergency just follow my easy Gringa Emergency Manual and you should make it out okay.

XOXO

An Emergency Concerned Gringa

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And on Facebook at Pepe 'La Tortuga' Perez